How To Summon Ye Dæmon Aleister Crowley To Visible Appearance

(A Rite For Father's Day)From an ancient Græco-Egyptian manuscriptin the Egyptian National Museum

Ye Banishing

Banish by showing a picture of Aleister Crowley to the eight directions,saying "Get Off My Cloud" at each spacemark, and each time give theMiddle Finger Salute to the direction. Or ye may wear a Crowley Maskduring the banishing. This will scare away any non-Thelemic entities andentice Crowley to the Circle.

Ye Place Of Working

In the middle of the circle should be a Crucifix, lots of beer (Crowleyhated beer) and a copy of an A.E. Waite book (Crowley liked Waite aboutas much as beer). This will keep Crowley from invading the circle in his true form.

Ye Prelimenary Insultation
The celebrants sit in the circle and consume beer, marijuana and otherintoxicants, all the while profaning the demon Crowley, reviling him atevery turn. Every couple of minutes a different celebrant should breakinto the conversation and say, "I wish Crowley was here to hear you say that." Getting stoned inside the circle where he can't reach you andinsulting his Name will draw Crowley to the circle, itching to manifestand rip you into confetti.

Ye First Insultation

The appointed Priest reads each sentence aloud, and the Celebrants repeat it after him.

"I invocate and conjure thee, o ye blasphemous toad Aleister Crowley!Long have ye taunted us from beyond the grave, meddling with the brainsof acid messiahs and politicians, smirking at us from behind your sillyEgyptian hat! I command you to appear before us now, if you're the greatmagician they say you are! Being armed with the power of beer andcigarettes I command it!!!"

(pause for a minute)

"O worm-eaten necromancer, hear me. A sadistic game you have played withyour disciples long enough. You lure the curious down halls of AleisterCrowley statues and Crowley altars at every turn, only to lead thetravellers to a mirror at the end of the path, and they realize their godwas themselves all the time. BUT BY THAT TIME THEY'VE BOUGHT ALL YOUR BOOKS. Thou art a slick advertiser selling bottled air."

"I invoke you by your names: To Mega Therion! Perdurabo! Baphomet! TheBeast 666! Fo-Hi! Count Alexander Svareff! Chiao Khan! Alys! etc. Comethou forthwith, without delay, from any and all parts of the world thoumayest be, and make rational answers unto all things that we shall demandof thee, for thou art conjured up by the name of the living and true godXerox!"

Ye Second Insultation

If the obstinate Beast refuses to show himself, repeat ye secondinsultation:

"By the power of the slave god Jehovah, I command you to appear!"

"By twenty generations of Plymouth Brethren, I constrain you to appear!"

"By Leah Hirsig's bedpan, I lure you to appear!"

"With seven vestal virgins, I entice you to appear!"

"With seven lines of fine Peruvian cocaine, I tempt you to appear!"

"With seven young, gay, Arabian boys I seduce you to appear!"

"By a gram of China white heroin, I dare you to appear!"

"Just to see if I have all that shit, I DEFY YOU TO APPEAR!"

Ye Grand Insultation

Another joint is passed around while the Celebrants wait for a sign of Crowley's appearance. His manifestation can take many forms, and eachadept should comment on anything he/she should hear or see that might be Crowley, from insects to rocks to vegetation. While the joint is smoked,each of these possible signs is discussed and either discarded or seizedand put in the middle of the circle. These objects touched by Crowley areHOO-HAHs and should be kept by the celebrants as Power Objects.If Crowley still does not appear in physical form, a final and mostpowerful CRITICIZATION and INSULTATION is uttered by the Priest:

"Come on, man, this is embarassing. We do the ritual and you promise itwill work and you don't show up. That's just like you, you lime-suckingbaldpate of an English windbag! We come out here, dress in fine appareland take strange drugs and all that shit, and all we get out of it issitting here in fine apparel stoned on strange drugs."

"Come on, you lecherous old fart! You can tantalize us with a littlevisible appearance, can't you? Just show us a leg and part of a helmetlike Buer showed you, huh? That is, if you got the balls. COME ON,CROWLEY, SHOW US THAT BEAST OF A WANGER YOU BRAG ABOUT...

"As soon as this is said, Crowley will manifest on the outside of theCircle, if not in bodily form then as a breeze or something more tenuous,but everything that moves outside the circle has been touched by him.Each celebrant who hasn't found a Crowley Hoo-Hah yet should go out ofthe Circle and find one. They are piled in the middle of the Circle.These Crowley Hoo-Hahs can be used for any and all types of ThelemicMagick. They're almost as good as Crowley Knucklebones and Crowley Toes.

Ye Banishing

A reverse banishing should be performed. Face the inside of the circle,point Crowley's picture or mask to the center of the circle, and at eachof the eight points, say "Under my thumb" while you grind your thumb intoyour outstretched palm.

Ye Warning

The O.D. takes no responsibility for the consequences of performing thisrite. Crowley's manifestation is sometimes violent: once a whole group ofadepts was found buggered to death.

Be forewarned.Collegium ad Inner SanctumThis yearKung Fus Shun, Grand OHOOD